Death Becomes Him
by Zenlee
Summary: Death beckons Gordo. Will he leap into Death's arms? LG, eventually.
1. Default Chapter

Gordo peered over the ledge.  
  
Whoa, it's a long ways down . . .  
  
He was sitting on the edge of a 100 foot rooftop, his feet dangling in the midnight air. He sat there, waiting and daydreaming.  
  
What's death going to be like, he wondered.  
  
Is it going to be like absolute nothingness? When I die, am I no longer going to exist? That's kinda scary, except not really, if you think about it. If death is like pure nothingness, then death is just like when you're asleep. When you're sleeping, you don't realize you're sleeping, you don't really exist at all, so there's no *you* to think about the fact you're dead. You know?  
  
"Yes, Gordo, I do know."  
  
Gordo turned around to see Death standing right behind him.  
  
Death stood eight feet tall. She was cloaked and hooded completely in blackness, so the only feature of her face that he could see was her piercing crimson eyes.  
  
"Think about it, Gordo, just jump off the ledge and life will be so much easier for you. So, why not? You'll have no more worries about life, about school, about parents, about teachers, about students, about grades, about all the intense pressures of life. Jump into my arms, and you'll have no worries at all, anymore. Forever."  
  
Death paused for a moment, then said, "Doesn't that sound wonderful?"  
  
Gordo stared blankly at Death. "yeah, it sounds great, except . . ."  
  
"except what?"  
  
"Except for one thing. Except for one person." Ohmigod, I'll miss her so much when I die, thought Gordo.  
  
"But, she's the main reason you want to end it all in the first place! How long can you live longing for a girl that will never want you the way you want her? It's just pure torture, wanting something, someone, that you just can't have. And I know it's even more painful because you're her best friend. Because you're so close, yet so far. I know the pain that resides deep inside of your heart, Gordo."  
  
"Yeah, I-I-"  
  
"So, just end it all, and all the pain will disappear, I promise you," replied Death. "Jump. Just jump."  
  
"You're right. I should-- I should end it all. I mean, what's the point of life? You know? What's the point of living? You live just so that you can die? It doesn't make any sense at all. If there's a god, that god is one cruel, sadistic animal."  
  
Gordo continued. "I've been on this earth for only 18 years now, I should be looking forward to the rest of my life, but all I can picture in my head is a future of dread, darkness, pain, suffering, misery, and, worst of all, loneliness."  
  
He broke down sobbing at the thought of the piercing, all encompassing feelings of loneliness that have haunted him for as long as he could remember.  
  
"Oh my god, I'm so lonely, I feel so alone. I can't take this anymore, I can't take my life anymore, I just can't, it's so hard, you know?"  
  
"So, then, jump. That'll end all your pain, that'll end all your suffering," replied Death in a cold, but curiously soothing monotone voice. "Let death consume you, let death embrace you, let death love you, let death become you, let death into your life."  
  
Death paused for a moment, then she continued. "Please, come to me, leap into my arms, come into my embrace and I promise you, I'll make your pain go away, forever."  
  
It makes so much sense. Death's right, I should jump, I should throw my soul into oblivion. It can't be any worse than the daily suffering I endure now. Right?  
  
"Jump, Gordo, jump. Do it, do it, now," urged Death.  
  
"oh-okay," Gordo responded.  
  
Gordo looked down at the hard concrete 100 feet below. The street was empty except for a few parked cars.  
  
He turned around and looked back at Death, and asked, "Will it hurt?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Are you sure? Man, that pavement looks awfully hard."  
  
"Don't worry, you won't feel a thing. I promise. Your entry into the realm of the dead will be instantaneous."  
  
"You sure about that?"  
  
"Yes, I'm sure. Believe me, I know."  
  
"Well. . ."  
  
"Please trust me," Death softly asked.  
  
"Alright, since you're so insistent about it, I'll trust you."  
  
As Gordo was about to leap off the ledge, suddenly image after image began flashing in his head.  
  
His mind was suddenly bombarded with memories of his past, with memories of his childhood, with memories of his parents, with memories of his friends, with memories in particular of one person, of one girl, of one woman . . .with memories of one Lizzie McGuire.  
  
Whoa . . .  
  
"Lizzie . . . ." whispered Gordo. "I'm gonna miss you so much . . . ."  
  
"Then don't jump, Gordo!"  
  
"Wha-?"  
  
Gordo turned around over his left shoulder, to see an angelic figure standing right next to Death. "Then don't jump! Don't listen to Death, don't listen to her," implored the woman bathed in luminous light.  
  
He felt dumbfounded. He gazed into her crystal blue eyes, mesmerized. She's so beautiful . . . .  
  
"Are you-are you--an-angel?"  
  
"I am what your heart desires, Gordo. I'm what you need, I'm what you want from deep down inside of your soul. You called me here, David, and that's why I've come, that's why I'm here . . . I'm here to protect you, to guide you, to love you, to be with you. I'm here, for you," she whispered in a soft, nurturing, melodic voice.  
  
"Don't listen to her, Gordo!!" screamed Death. "Don't trust her, don't believe anything she's telling you. She's just promising you nothing but a lifetime of suffering and pain. Don't, don't listen to her!"  
  
Gordo looked at Death, and then looked at the Angel. He felt confused, torn, unsure about what to do, about what to believe, about whom to believe.  
  
Death seemed so inviting to him just a few moments ago, but now, with the Angel's reassuring, comforting words, he began to think, maybe, just maybe, his life doesn't have to be one filled with misery, loneliness, and unrequited longing.  
  
But, how's my life going to change? What's going to change? Nothing, nothing's going to change. Lizzie's never going to love me the way I love her, I'm never going to stop feeling this deep, bottomless pit of emptiness, so, so, maybe Death's right, maybe I should let go into death, maybe I should let go into eternal sleep.  
  
I don't know . . . . 


	2. Chapter Two

Author's Note-thank you all for the reviews. I wasn't sure how people would respond to this story because it's a rather surreal tale, I'm glad you find it interesting. Here is chapter two, please read and review.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------  
  
Gordo turned back to face and peer down the street below. He could see the street lamps brightening up the dark, hard pavement with soft yellow light.  
  
"Do it, Gordo," whispered a voice directly in front of him.  
  
He raised his head to see Death, floating in mid-air, several feet away, looking straight in his eyes and desperately urging him to jump. Wasn't he just behind me? Wondered Gordo.  
  
He then noticed something out of the corner of his right eye. He turned his head slightly to his right, and he saw the Angel gracefully moving about the clear midnight air. She looked at him with her beautiful purple- blue eyes, and when he made eye contact with her, she gave him an affectionate smile.  
  
"Listen to your heart, Gordo," the Angel said softly.  
  
"No, listen to your pain, and feel that dark, angry, bitter energy inside of you . . . do you want to live with that feeling for that rest of your life?" retorted Death. "Because it's always going to be there with you. It's never going to go away. And if you decide you want to continue to live in this hell, you will just suffer and torture yourself, and for what? For absolutely nothing."  
  
Death's words pierced Gordo's soul like a hot knife through butter, triggering more tears. "You-you're right, my god, you know exactly how I'm feeling inside."  
  
He closed his eyes, then began letting loose his rage. "I feel so awful, so goddamn awful, I hate my life, I hate my life so goddamn much!! Oh my god, everything feels so chaotic inside, I feel so much chaos sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode into a million pieces!"  
  
"Yes, yes, yes," snarled Death.  
  
"I just want to float away from it all, you know?" continued Gordo. "I just want to float away from my pain, from myself. I feel like the pain is never going to go away, it's never going to end, it's going to consume me, the loneliness is going to consume me, suffocate me, tear me into little pieces, oh god sometimes it feels like I can't breathe I can't breathe, and it feel like I'm suffocating, I'm suffocating in my sorrow, suffocating in my despair."  
  
"Yes, yes!!" Death clapped her hands, as she took pleasure in hearing Gordo's pain.  
  
"I'm dying, I'm dying, I feel like I'm dying inside every day of my life, I feel like I'm invisible, I'm dying I'm dying I can't live, I don't want to live anymore, I don't know who or what I am or what to do and this pain just feels like this insidious virus swirling around inside of me and making me feel filthy and dark and black inside. Oh God I want this pain to end, I just want this pain to end, I want my loneliness to end, I want it to just end, I just want it all to end, I just, I just . . . ."  
  
"Want some joy and love in your life?" The Angel finished Gordo's sentence for him.  
  
"Yes!!" and he began sobbing once again.  
  
"But, you do have it, Gordo, you do have love and joy in your life. You just won't allow your self to feel it. Just open up your heart, my dear, wonderful David. Let love in and that loneliness you feel will disappear. Let Lizzie love you, Gordo, let her love you, let her into your heart," gently urged the Angel.  
  
"Re-really?" A faint glimmer of hope quietly entered his heart.  
  
"She's lying to you! Stop listening to her lies!! Lizzie doesn't love you! She'll never love someone like you! You know that! You know what you are, you know who you are deep down inside. And no one can ever love someone as worthless, useless, and irrelevant like yourself! You know that because you know that you are a . . . ."  
  
"Freak, I'm a freak, I know it, you're right, I know it," replied Gordo in a beaten and weary voice.  
  
"That's why you have no friends, Gordo! That's why as Lizzie is spending time with other boys you're home, alone, doing nothing, being nothing. She can never love someone like you. Nobody can."  
  
Death's words felt like a sledgehammer to his soul, and Gordo began to swim once again in his lonely sorrow, feeling like nobody in the world could truly understand what he was feeling, feeling like nobody in the world truly cared about him or would miss him if he were to leave life and enter the realm of eternal nothingness.  
  
He stared up at the stars, sleeping up above, shining little spots of sharp white light on a pitch-black canvas. He always loved gazing at the stars, wondering and imagining about what they were thinking as they watched intently on the busy activity going on underneath them, millions and millions of miles below.  
  
I'll miss the stars when I'm gone . . . .  
  
"Gordo, listen to me," said the Angel.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Just let Lizzie into your heart, don't be afraid of her. Trust in her, David, trust her. Have faith, have faith in life, have faith in Lizzie, have faith in hope, have faith in love, and most of all, dear David, have faith in yourself," whispered the Angel. She gave one last knowing smile, and then she was gone.  
  
Gordo turned to his left to see Death disappearing back into the darkness.  
  
He was now alone.  
  
He wondered for a moment if he had been hallucinating, but he thought, it really didn't matter at this point. What the Angel said stirred something in his heart, but Gordo had already made up his mind. He wanted to join Death in her realm, he wanted to take on Death's embrace.  
  
I think this is right, I think this is what I want to do. I mean, Death's right, she's gotta be right.  
  
As he took a deep breath and began to prepare himself to leap off the edge of the roof, he suddenly heard a soft voice behind him.  
  
"Go-Gordo? Is that you?"  
  
It was a familiar voice, an angelic voice, a loving voice. It was the voice of his friend Lizzie McGuire. 


	3. Chapter Three Redemption

As he took a deep breath and began to prepare himself to leap off the edge of the roof, he suddenly heard a soft voice behind him.  
  
"Go-Gordo? Is that you?"  
  
It was a familiar voice, an angelic voice, a loving voice. It was the voice of his friend Lizzie McGuire.  
  
Lizzie? Is that Lizzie? He turned around to see his best friend standing on the rooftop, about ten yards away from him. "Lizzie? What are you doing here?"  
  
She took several steps towards him. "I- I, well, I had a dream, I -"  
  
"Lizzie stop, don't come any closer to me, please!" pleaded Gordo. She was now only a few yards away from him, and he saw deep concern and fear etched on her face.  
  
"Gordo, you're scaring me, please please come down off the ledge."  
  
"Hey, um, look, I just need some time to myself, okay? You really should be at home, getting some sleep. I'll, I'll see you tomorrow, alright?"  
  
She frowned, then responded in a firm, clear voice, "No, Gordo, no, I'm not leaving until you get off of that ledge, do you hear me? Please, just get down from there before you fall!"  
  
"Please Lizzie, I'll get down, I promise, but I just need to be alone right now, I'll call you tomorr-"  
  
"No, Gordo, No!" she yelled, tension rising in her voice. "I am not leaving until you get down from there, okay?"  
  
Okay, I'm definitely losing this battle. Just get down, talk to her for awhile, calm her down, get her out of here, and then do it. "Alright, alright, I'm coming down."  
  
He turned his body fully around and cautiously leaped onto the rooftop floor. He looked at Lizzie then slumped down on the ground with his back supported by the rooftop wall.  
  
She breathed a sigh of relief then gingerly walked over to Gordo and sat down next to him, her left shoulder brushing up against his right shoulder.  
  
"See, I'm fine Lizzie, I'm fine, now. How did you know I was here, by the way?"  
  
"Well, it's weird, but I had a dream and this woman, a beautiful woman, whispered in my ear to go to you and that I would know where to go. She was like an angel, and it all felt so real. When I woke up, I knew instantly you were here, and I had to come, I just had to."  
  
She knew that Gordo loved the rooftop to his uncle's apartment and that he would often come here to gaze at the stars. They had often come together, it was one of their favorite spots in the city. It reminded both of them of the rooftop they enjoyed while in Rome.  
  
"Well, I'm here. But, listen, thanks for coming and all, but really, I am absolutely fine, I just need some time to myself, you know? Just some good ol' downtime to hang out with myself and my thoughts. You, on the other hand, Lizzie McGuire, ought to be at home and sound asleep."  
  
She peered into his eyes and said, "I don't believe you. I really don't. Something's the matter with you, I know it."  
  
Gordo shut his eyes and turned the other way.  
  
She gently touched his hands and whispered, "I'm here for you, Gordo, I'm here for you. Tell me what's the matter, tell me what's going on inside of you."  
  
The soft, quiet, loving touch of her hand on his sent warm shivers up his spine. His heart began to open up, slightly.  
  
"I-I-I just feel awful, Lizzie, oh my god, I feel so awful!" He buried his head in his knees and sobbed.  
  
"Oh, Gordo," whispered Lizzie.  
  
"My life, it's just spinning out of control, I can't take it anymore, Lizzie, I just can't. Ohmigod I wake up every morning wondering what's the point, what's the point of going on? I feel so lonely, I feel so damn lonely, oh my god, I feel so lonely . . . "  
  
"Ohmigosh Gordo, I didn't know you felt this way, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," she said as she put her arms around his shoulders and began to gently stroke his back. "You know I'm always here for you."  
  
"No, No, Lizzie, that's it, that's the problem, you just don't get it, sometimes I feel the loneliest when I'm with you!" he cried.  
  
"Wha-what do you mean?"  
  
"You don't understand, I try to be so perfect for you, you know? I try so hard not to show you my mistakes, my problems, my flaws, because I want, I want . . . ."  
  
"I - I don't understand, you want . . .?" she asked, deeply puzzled by his remarks.  
  
"I-I want you to, to . . . ." he choked on his words. He couldn't bring himself to say them, to say those words he had been longing to say for as long as he could remember.  
  
She looked at him with warm attention, smiled, cupped his cheeks with her right palm, and said, "It's okay, Gordo, it's okay, you're with me now, it's all okay," and kissed him on the cheeks.  
  
With the kiss, he lost all controls over his emotions and inhibitions. He felt so much love in her voice, in her words, in her eyes, in her touch, he was beginning to feel seen, to feel real . . . . and it was such a strange, unusual feeling . . . .  
  
"I love you Lizzie, I love you so much," he whispered into her ears.  
  
"I-I love you too, Gordo, you know that."  
  
"No, no, I'm in love with you, Lizzie, I'm in love with you, I've been wanting to tell you that since as long as I can remember and that's why I've felt so lonely with you because I could never tell you how I really felt, I couldn't because I know someone as so beautiful and so wonderful as you could ever love a freak, a complete freak like me!" With that last sentence, he broke down once again.  
  
She held on even more tightly to her friend, placing her head next to his and cradling him as he let loose a torrent of pent up emotions.  
  
"You're not a freak, Gordo," she cooed, "you're not. You are an amazing, smart, wonderful, caring, beautiful person, you are my best friend, you are so dear to me, and I love you so very much and I wouldn't know what I'd do if you ever would be gone from my life."  
  
Tears streamed down Lizzie's cheeks and intermingled with Gordo's.  
  
"Oh Lizzie, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so weak, I'm so weak, I know I'm not good enough for you or for anyone else and my life makes no sense and I can't go on like this, I just can't. Nobody understands me, nobody. I know you like me like a brother, Lizzie, but I also know that you can't see me as anything more than that. No one can, and it's not just about girls, I just feel like such a misfit, I just feel so out of place, I feel like I don't belong at all, with anyone, I'm such a freak, I'm such a freak, oh my god I feel like such a freak!!!"  
  
"Oh Gordo, Oh Gordo . . . ." she held to him as his life depended on it.  
  
'I, I, just want this awful pain to go away, Lizzie, I don't want to suffer so much anymore. Oh my god, there's just this big black hole eating away inside of me, and it hurts so much, it hurts so much, oh my god, why won't the pain go away, why won't it go away? Please, please, go away, I just want the pain to away, please . . . ."  
  
"I know, Gordo, I know, it'll be alright, though, everything will be okay, everything will be okay, you're with me, I'm with you, I'm always with you, I'll always be there for you, I love you, Gordo, I'm here for you," she said in a gentle, sing-song voice. "Hey, look at me."  
  
He wiped away his tears and turned to face Lizzie. "Oh my god, Lizzie, you're so beautiful, you're so beautiful, I don't deserve a friend like you, I don't, I'm just a burden a mess you don't need me complicating your life."  
  
She responded by kissing him on the lips. "Hey, shut up, okay? Don't talk nonsense." She kissed him again.  
  
He felt her soft lips on his and he felt a wave of love and caring flow and course throughout his entire body.  
  
"Always know this Gordo, you are not alone, ever. Okay? I love you, you are the most amazing person I know, you never have to worry about being perfect with me because I love you for who you are, you're Gordo! And I'm sorry that sometimes I take you for granted because you are such an important part of my life, a part of me, I really honestly would feel so lost and alone if you were gone from my life. So, don't leave!" She squeezed his shoulders harder and gave him a big, warm, grin.  
  
She continued. "we'll get through life together, okay?"  
  
His head was spinning. He heard her words, but he had a hard time fully believing in them, they felt so foreign to him. She loves me? She cares for me? "You really love me? Even though I'm a complete mess?"  
  
"Yes, yes, yes, Gordo, I love you for who you are, and nothing can change that, even if you think you're a mess, even though you really aren't!"  
  
"But, but, you love me just as a friend, right, you're not in love with me?" He asked warily.  
  
"I'll be honest, Gordo, I'm not sure, I never thought of you that way before, really, but, that doesn't mean we can't see and find out, right?" She gave him another kiss. "Right? We've got plenty of time, don't we?"  
  
"Lizzie," said Gordo, as he put his forehead on hers. He whispered, "I love you, Lizzie McGuire. Thanks. Thanks for saving my soul," and he returned her kiss by gently stroking her hair and then by softly kissing her on the lips.  
  
And the pair sat there, arms around each other, on the rooftop, gazing at the stars high above, taking in the pure joy of just being, together.  
  
The end.  
  
" 


End file.
